...the heartbeats...

Am I producing the right melody, perhaps not but it produces the sound of the heartbeats!

"Are you really sure that there is nothing wrong with me?" said an 80 year old elderly woman to me.
I responded, "you are doing, well except for the issue that your children seldom come  to visit you. She nodded her head. Probably a sign of an agreement.

Peter

...A Garden of Flowers...

Vicky

I think it is more like emptiness.  So right there and then I have covered half the day, so even if I do not have any plans to go out for the rest of the day, the spiritual experience and the contact with people gives me a lift. That even if that kind of empty feeling comes along and I feel lonely, later in the day; I have built the foundation in the morning for my day. (Line 103-108 of 1^st interview).

The story of Vicky. Vicky selects a garden of flowers as a metaphor. She feels that flowers symbolize happiness and are the colors of life. However, she admits a garden of flowers also symbolizes the existence of resentment in her. The reason is that she longs to have a cheerful life. Vicky with her gentle voice, allows the interview to flow very well. Vicky elaborates that a garden of flowers always brightens her mood and makes her cheerful and happy.  She was comfortable exploring each question and confidently answered questions posed to her.

Vicky is a 75-year-old retired clerk who is currently living alone in her apartment. Due to her divorce, she has been living independently for 17 years. She mentions that she “was married but I never had children.” She explains, “That was a disappointment and that makes me feel sad, that I do not have that in my life.”

                Vicky describes her experience of loneliness from the lived experience category of lived time and lived other. She realizes that at this stage of her life and after her retirement, she longs to make herself occupied with work and to be with others. She describes her situation of being non-occupied as a reason for her loneliness. She explains further, “I guess it is a day when I do not have any plans. It makes me lonely.”  From this testimony, Vicky has achieved a rationalization about her time of her life when she broke a certain routine (her work experience), which enhanced her loneliness from that point onward.

Vicky’s excerpt shows her description of loneliness as being more like emptiness. She describes it in relation to contact with others, and her spiritual belief becomes the foundation for her ability to cope with this loneliness. The existential category of lived other identifies her loneliness situation, due to the fact that she expresses the importance of personal contact in order to feel complete.

 According to Vicky, being alone and having nothing to do have gradually made her conscious of the existence of loneliness in her life. The fact remains that being alone, however, does not necessarily lead to loneliness, but in Vicky’s case she has clarified the fact that alone and lonely are synonymous; leading to the same result; emptiness. She describes her feelings of being alone as those of emptiness because of not having others presently in her life. She describes, “I think what I mean by empty is, I am not going to see anyone, and no one is coming to see me.”

Caregivers Support Group

Caregivers Support Group

For those who are caring for or concerned about an elderly parent, spouse, relative or friend. Come and join this support group

When: TBA
Where: TBA
Time: TBA
Facilitator: Rev. Dr. Peter Abas

Be alert for Borneon Seniors!

Rhythmic Tranquility: Gaining Strength, Sharing Stories

A group for seniors 50+
Sharing our stories, we discover we are not alone.

§  Tell your story in a safe and supportive environment

§  Ease isolation by connecting with others

§  Learn strategies for emotional safety and self-care

§  Focus on creating and maintaining healthy relationships.

Venue: TBA
When: TBA
TIME: TBA
Facilitator : Rev. Dr. Peter Abas

 

 

"interlocking circles"

Sonia

Well, it can be very lonely, it can be very lonely. I remember coming back from a conference after my husband had died and just the sound of the suitcase and my briefcase in the empty house was just chilling. (Line 18-21 of 1^st interview).

The story of Sonia. Sonia selects interlocking circles as a metaphor. Sonia’s explanation of the “interlocking circles” metaphor relates to being considered as such an important part of each aspect of her life. The need to be supported, and the circumstance of being connected are both key issues for Sonia as she fears becoming entangled to the point of detachment and misdirection. She admits, “I am afraid of the circle becoming untangled.”  She feels that the support she receives comes from her family, the community and her work. The reason is that she is very systems oriented due to her career in social work and considers her personal life using the system theory. Sonia, with her way of responding in a very graphic type of style, due to her passion for being a writer, uses the interlocking circles to describe her lived experiences. When asked questions, she consistently used heartfelt and objective type language and answered genuinely and with ease.

"Like a flowing river"

Alice

I think that once you start feeling some of these aging ailments, I think they compound it, because then you realize that you are not able to do some of the things you like to do, like walking in the mall, for instance (Line 154-158 of 1^st interview).

The story of Alice. Using the metaphor of a flowing river, Alice symbolizes her daily journey of life in this way: She feels that the flowing river, while constantly changing its course, can be treacherous, at times. But it also can easily carry her off, away from the regularities of her life in general. The reason for feeling this way is the relationship that she makes to the concept of “staying afloat” throughout life’s changes. She confidently states that she is surviving and even in the second interview she reiterated that although the river is still treacherous, it is not as dangerous as she felt it was when talking about it in the first interview.