A state of Emotional Pain

A State of Emotional Pain


My heart is still longing for him (her late husband). Loneliness is sad and emotionally unpleasant. - Josephine-

A feeling of sadness. Participants in this study repeatedly stated that many of their lonely times included times of sadness as well. “Feelings of sadness” is a phrase that has never been used in the UCLA Loneliness scale. Rather, it is reported in this way: “I am unhappy being so withdrawn.” For the purpose of this study, I am assuming that the UCLA concept of ‘unhappiness’ is equivalent to the sadness, observed in the participants in this study.

Unhappiness caused by the frustration of loneliness, unhappiness caused by the absence of others, or still yet so many other emotions could automatically and knowingly occur while trying to cope with each passing day. According to my study, sadness quickly intensifies. It passes through stages of anger, rage, defiance, frustration, even self-pity but very often, the end result is a deep seated sadness that easily evolves into, in the worst case scenario, profound sadness that has proved to be a characteristic of the loneliness experience by the participants in this study.

Rubenstein and Shavers (1982) mentioned that sadness is a feeling that goes with loneliness. Another study also affirmed that in general, persons who reported loneliness were more depressed, anxious, and hopeless, and were more likely to report sadness and anhedonia, than individuals who did not report loneliness. (Barg, Ashomre, Wittink, Murray, Bogner and Gallo (2006).

Gaev (1976) explains that emotional loneliness describes a general feeling of sadness and longing when the need for genuine emotional closeness, affection or meaningful conversation with significant others is frustrated, even if in a relationship. Gaev (1976) uses the term social loneliness to identify the feeling of sadness stemming from the unsatisfied need to belong or have a place in the social world and she likens it to the sociological term of alienation.

Loneliness, then, sounds like an unpleasant state of emotional pain and negative self-image that people fear, attempt to avoid, and struggle to escape. Buchholz and Catton (1999) describe loneliness as a negative state most often coupled with feelings of sadness and hopelessness. So, it can be easily deduced that sadness is the effect after many other emotions take precedence that is the multi-causal ignition that causes the feeling to erupt and to be maintained.

It (loneliness) is a feeling of hurt when you do not have that person (his late wife) with you any longer. -Adrian-

 
Extract taken from a doctoral Dissertation, (Abas, 2007)

Happy Birthday to Santo

A joyful day for Mr. Santo Castello who celebrated his 95th birthday on Oct, 1st 2011. Santo has been a great friend when I was still in Rochester, NY.
Many more years for your Santo to be the witness of the Lord.

A State of Being Overwhelmed with Work and Emotion


I feel overwhelmed and realize my limits when doing something which I am incapable of doing. – Sonia-

A feeling of being overwhelmed. Feeling overwhelmed encompasses many emotions including the typical feelings of despair and anxiety. These participants described being physically overwhelmed (with work) while at the same time, their minds were filled to capacity with a feeling of having nowhere to turn. Anger and resentment set in quickly when overwhelmed feelings came to the forefront. All in all, persons feeling overwhelmed claim to feel that there is nowhere to turn; nowhere to achieve a productive or rewarding sense of self-worth.

The word “overwhelmed” came into play quite frequently during these interviews. Some of the participants in this study stressed their feelings of being overwhelmed and at the same time reported feeling anger and sadness along with being overwhelmed. Being overwhelmed was always reported as being associated with other types of pain, as well. No research in the literature about being overwhelmed was found. The situation of being overwhelmed is much too broad of a topic to reference. The situation does not stand alone, especially as evidenced in these participants’ interviews.

Summing up, being overwhelmed encompasses two basic situations: Overwhelmed with responsibility and overwhelmed with emotion. Not all participants who felt overwhelmed were overwhelmed with responsibility. They were all however, overwhelmed with emotion in their own way. Above all, becoming overwhelmed along with being lonely made coping even more difficult.

The feeling of helplessness occurs because of the inability to handle the emotion of living alone. –Andrew-

A feeling of being helpless. My anecdotal experience in clinical settings suggests that the transition to helplessness from feeling overwhelmed involves retreat when the psyche can no longer contain anxiety or fear anymore. Rubenstein & Shaver (1982) have put being helpless as one factor of feeling lonely that involves desperation. The word “helplessness” was used by study participants in a manner reminiscent of Von Witzleben (1958) who distinguished between two types of loneliness, one accompanied by loss of an object in the real world, and the other the “loneliness of one’s self,” (the feeling of being alone and helpless in this world). This latter type of loneliness, which is commonly experienced, is what he terms primary loneliness. For him, it was independent of the loss of an object. Loneliness can include an experience of anxiety, which is vague and pervasive, in which one feels panicked and helpless. One does not know how to cope with it and fears that it may overwhelm one (Gaev, 1976).

Taking this concept to the next step, the overwhelmed participants were all grounded in one commonality of emotion. They all tended to agree that loneliness set in only after their own filled psyches resisted any more responsibilities. But, the situation that changed them from overwhelmed to helpless was only felt because, during attempts, they could not devise a plan to rectify their overwhelming feelings. Therefore, “no plan” then led to the feeling of helplessness because they finally realized that not only could they not achieve success in their endeavors, but that only solution was to seek the help of others, enabling the frustration, the guilt, and the fear to become the main characteristics of helplessness.

Extract taken from Doctoral Dissertation, Abas 2007.

BORNEO HOME OF HOPE

1. Geriatric Workshop Programs

a) To draw a Logo for the proposed Borneo Research Aging Center

b) To draft the Vision & Mission of “BRAC”

c) To produce and print program brochures

2. Rhythmic Tranquility Programs

a) To draw a Logo for Rhythmic Tranquility Program “RTP”

b) To draft the Objective of Rhythmic Tranquility

c) To produce and print program brochures

3. Topics of Professional Development Courses

a) Counseling “A Process View”

b) Basic Helping Skills and Counseling as a New Experience

c) Adult Life Span

d) Counseling Skills

e) A Pastoral Response to Domestic against Violence

Stories of elderly individuals

As an elderly person living independently, there is a certain time of day when she feels that loneliness does creep in.  This admission solidifies the lived time component in Alice’s life experience. She says, “I’d say between 4.00 P.M to 7.00 P.M; that’s kind of like it is dusk and that, to me, is that in-between.”  She feels very adamant about this lived time aspect, as she chose to mention it in both of the interviews conducted.

With her soft-spoken voice, Alice expresses her feeling further explains that getting around in the winter is not a problem for her because she remains homebound.  Naturally, the cold stops her from going out. However, even during the summer, she realizes that she is less active, as well because she does not like the outdoors when it is too hot. She concludes, “That’s why I like it better in the springtime.” She convinces herself that staying inside during the summer is naturally all right.  Above all, she has her own preferences for certain types of weather and that helps her to be more active. Besides facing the different seasons of the year and living alone, she tries to convince herself that even though she is alone, she can never be lonely.  However, she realizes, in reality that it is a feeling of loneliness that she is experiencing. Gradually she accepts the fact that loneliness does occur in her life of being alone.

Extract of Doctorate Dissertation, Abas, 2007.

Stories of Elderly Individuals

Alice is a retired 71-year-old licensed practical nurse. Currently she is living alone in her own apartment. Her husband passed away twenty years ago. She has two sons; one is out-of state and the other lives in a large urban community. Also, her children are living their own lives with their families, and contact with her is infrequent.  She expresses that this is what has caused her loneliness. In addition, her relationships with others have also decreased because of her own preoccupation with her daily chores.

In both interviews she confidently described her lived experiences. Alice spoke gently, and occasionally paused for a few minutes before giving the answer to each question. To each question I posed, it appeared that she was making a serious attempt to delve into her inner-self.

The above quote is an excerpt taken from Alice’s narrative. It signifies the lived body (corporality) experience. Alice realizes that at this stage of her life, she is no longer young. She explains that ailments associated with aging have caused her to go slower in her daily activities. According to Alice, her age-related ailments have also stopped her from doing certain work that she frequently has been able to do. 

 Extraxt from Doctrate Dissertation, Abas 2007

Stories of elderly individuals

 

 

 

 

Stories of Eight Elderly Individuals

Alice

I think that once you start feeling some of these aging ailments, I think they compound it, because then you realize that you are not able to do some of the things you like to do, like walking in the mall, for instance (Line 154-158 of 1^st interview).

The story of Alice. Using the metaphor of a flowing river, Alice symbolizes her daily journey of life in this way: She feels that the flowing river, while constantly changing its course, can be treacherous, at times. But it also can easily carry her off, away from the regularities of her life in general. The reason for feeling this way is the relationship that she makes to the concept of “staying afloat” throughout life’s changes. She confidently states that she is surviving and even in the second interview she reiterated that although the river is still treacherous, it is not as dangerous as she felt it was when talking about it in the first interview.

Extract from Doctrate Dissertation, Abas 2007.