Life Flowing Like a River...

Life Flowing Like a River
Though that life is a romantic journey
But it takes me to a different path of life
Life fills with disappointments and sadness.

This long uphill journey lead to negative experience of loneliness and depression.
The flowing river turns to river of tears.
Faith helps me to direct my path to the positive direction of life.

Hope nurtures the inner emotion and animates the human frailty.
The water of life calms the river of tears into flow of joy.
The journey needs to be taken one day at time.

2/12/07- A Flowing River
This person uses the metaphor of a flowing river to describe daily journey of life. Click here to listen to the beauty of a flowing water.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvEmaBcUQcI&feature=related

She believes that people were put on earth to carry crosses...

An 86 year-old-woman who is a retired truck driver and has lived alone in her own home since her husband passed away 31 years ago. She selects a cross as a metaphor of her life, it is directly related to her beliefs and more specially, her religion. She believes that people were put on earth to carry crosses.

She said, "You know that you are lonely, but you want to tell more about it to people, that loneiness is something about sadness; it something about emptiness. Loneliness is something about inner suffering inside. It is not physical, you know. You are craving...Emptiness would be one word that would fit it."

...recalling the memory when I was 12 years old...

When I was 12 years old, I used to collect water in this small stream. This little stream still exists. In the picture my grand-nephew (Jay) and nephew (Boy) are seen trying to collect water.

DEFINITION OF LONELINESS (50s to 80s)

1. Sullivan (1953) describes loneliness as the exceedingly unpleasant and driving experience connected with inadequate discharge of the need for human intimacy.
2. Von Witzleben (1958) believes it is important to have a defintion of loneliness which provides distinctions.

a) He refers to one kind of loneliness as an essential human characteristic not a symptom his belief that this kind of loneliness could not be analyzed in the usual way. This loneliness is sometimes referred to as solitude.

b) The second definition is the feeling caused by loss of object, a feeling of being abandoned or deserted and this is called secondary loneliness.

3. Moustakas (1961) describes loneliness in two ways: the existential loneliness which is an inevitable part of the human experience an dthe kind of loneliness which is vague and disturbing anxiety.

4. Weiss (1973) identfies two dimensions of loneliness: social isolation and emotional isolation.

a) Social isolation results from being or feeling detached from social network or community.

b) Emotional isolation stems from the loss or absence of an attachment figure.

5. Sermat (1978) explains loneliness is an experienced discrepancy between the kinds of interpersonal relationships the indidvidual perceives himself as having at the time, and the kinds of relationships he would like to have either in terms of his past experiences or some ideal state that he has actually never experienced.

6. Young (1982) defines loneliness as the absence or perceived absence of satisfying social relationships, accompanied by symptoms of psychological distress that related to the actual or perceived absence relationships.

7. Peplau and Perlman (1982) describes loneliness is the psychological state which results from discrepancies between one's desired and one's actual relationship. This objective and clinical and does not indicate how painful and all consuming such a condition can be. Do not forget to watch this...link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMa8MLM_Ds

"...their contributions toward this success will be treasured and applied as I continue to work with the elderly population.

December 19, 2007

I successfully defended my Doctoral Dissertation-Loneliness and Lived Experiences of Elderly Individuals Living Independently: Hermeneutic Phenomenological Approach- at the University of Rochester, New York. This dissertation was specially dedicated to those persons mentioned below. http://www.rochester.edu/warner/newsevents/2008/05/slides.html

Dedication
While my father was ailing with liver cancer, he knew that I was doing research on the topic of loneliness and elderly individuals. Two days before he died, he echoed this inspiring statement to me. He said, “You need to accomplish this research.” My father’s words affirmed my choice of topic. So I give this special dedication and thank you- Kotohuadan- to my late father Nicholas Abas Maginjang and also a very special dedication to my mother Monica Tati Tomoh, who at this moment is still battling with sickness as well. Ina (Mother), thank you for your encouragement and daily prayers that you have offered for me and for the fulfillment of your dream to see the accomplishment of this work.

This dissertation is also dedicated to the friendship and memory of Dr. Leo Yballe, a professor at the School of Management in Nazareth College, Rochester New York. Leo who was the one who encouraged me to pursue with this research and, also assured me that this research would bring new insights/benefit to the caregivers of Borneo Island. Leo died (May 21, 2007) in a motorcycle accident while visiting his family in Cebu, Philippines. Leo lived his life well, acting conscientiously upon his spiritual beliefs by assisting both friends and strangers in need.

Finally this dissertation is also dedicated to the late Dr. Gerald Rubenstein, who was a mentor, supervisor, and a friend. Dr.Gerald Rubenstein, also known as Jerry, inspired me to pursue my doctoral dissertation on the topic of loneliness and elderly individuals. While writing this dissertation, Dr. Gerald’s untiring encouragement always echoed in my ears and this gave me the ongoing motivation to complete the race.

These three beloved people mentioned above were unable to see the fruit of this labor, which they had planted, trimmed, watered, and nurtured. Nonetheless, their contributions toward this success will be treasured and applied as I continue to work with the elderly population.

"In time of Loneliness, look around you...someone does care...

"And everywhere you are to go, my hand will follow, you will not be alone. In all the danger that you fear, You'll find me very near, Your words my own. "

"A simple home with a big heart..."

This is how my Ina looks, with her sweet and beautiful smile. She loves to plant flowers and I used to tell her, "you have green-fingers." In spite of her sickness, she still cares for others and she always welcomes people from the village to her simple home.

"Reminiscing is....healing!

I admit, I long for my home country Sabah, Borneo. The picture of this beautiful and huge rice field reminds me of my younger age. I used to plow this field and my parents planted padi (where the rice comes from) in this field. Reminiscing and seeing this picture, it reminds me of the good old days when I was at the age of 12. "Sabah Pogun Tokou"

Reminiscing is also a healing process in times of loneliness as I feel the process in my own inner-self.

"Since your father passed away, I do miss him."

I lost my father -Ama- four years ago after battling with liver cancer for 3 years. Ever since, my father passed away, my mother -Ina- tried her very best to be independent in running the daily chores.
She used to tell me, "since your father passed away, I do miss him."

"What is the metaphor for your journey?"

Journey in the Desert

My life is a combination of desert and oasis,
signified by loneliness and emptiness as I walk.
Encountering the oasis-there is joy in my life,
but encountering the desert
make me feel dry like a cactus
or
the rough sand under my feet.
My life when in the desert is in constant search of water to continue
but,
so much difficulty in attaining water on this flat, arid place.
Again, I reach the oasis-my life is up and livable. But, in order to cope up, with this lingering emptiness and loneliness
I must be ready to resume the search for this oasis at any time.

2/20/07-Cross
This person chooses a Cross as a metaphor, a cross is directly related to this person beliefs and more specifically to this person religion.



Life Flowing Like a River

Though that life is a romantic journey
But it takes me to a different path of life
Life fills with disappointments and sadness.
This long uphill journey
lead to negative experience of loneliness and depression.
The flowing river turns to river of tears.
Faith helps me to direct my path to the positive direction of life.
Hope nurtures the inner emotion and animates the human frailty.
The water of life calms the river of tears into flow of joy.
The journey needs to be taken one day at time.

2/12/07- A Flowing River
This person uses the metaphor of a flowing river to describe daily journey of life.

"What is loneliness for a younger person?"

Look at these young people, if they are taught to work together - as a team- they will be able to cope up with their loneliness. A proper networking and helping each other can assist a young person to journey on the right path. By the way, what is loneliness for a younger person?

"Quality time spent with elderly individual was very uplifting"

Looking right to my eyes, this 103 years old woman gently asked me. "How was your weekend and what did you do?" I responded, " It was enjoyable and I played my drum at the VBC - Vacation Bible Camp."
Slowly she took a little piece of the sandwich and put into her mouth. She continued to ask me, "Do you watch TV?" Yes, I responded. I asked her, "do you watch TV?" She replied Yes, I do and I like to listen to the news. I told her, "your hairs look beautiful today and she responded, "thank you (with a precious smile) it was done yesterday at the beauty saloon."
Communicating to this 103 years old woman was a blessing and joy for me. The quality time spent with the elderly individual was very important and enriching for me. Never miss the chance to stop and to greet an elderly person!

"Drums help people to reminisce their feelings and relieve stress."

Parish pulsing with activities (Publication Date: 08-20-2005) By Rob Cullivan/Catholic Courier ROCHESTER --

In the atrium of St. Anne Church, hundreds of items were displayed for a next-to-new sale where one could buy a $3 photograph of the sea mounted on a wooden plaque inscribed with the words "We do not remember days, we remember moments."One floor below, Father Peter Abas was helping a group of elderly women do just that by leading them through a hand-drumming session designed to unleash a flow of pleasant memories. A native of Borneo, Malaysia, the priest works and studies at the nearby University of Rochester and ministers at St. Anne. He said drums were part of Catholic liturgies in his homeland and that he also has coordinated an all-ages drumming group at St. Anne."In my country, the drum is used to call people to prayer,"

Father Abas said. "Drums help people to reminisce their feelings and relieve stress." That notion was seconded by group participants Joan Seccombe and Mary Jane Marton, both of whom noted that they liked the way drumming relaxed them.
Another participant, Lee Beaudrault, added that participating in the group's exercises, which include jotting down pleasant memories, has helped to heal her from the loss of her husband, son and father over the years."When I came here, there was a lot of negative things on the surface I knew I was dealing with," she said. "(Father Abas) helped me to get through the surface and find the positive things."

St. Anne is filled with positive reminiscing as the parish marks its 75th anniversary. According to a parish history, St. Anne was founded to serve the Catholic population in the Mt. Hope-South Avenue area, and its first pastor was Msgr. George J. Schmitt, who had been serving as assistant pastor at St. Boniface, located nearby off South Avenue on Gregory Street.

"The Joy of Aging Gracefully...

She said, "I do not have the appetite to eat for the last few days." She further said, "my doctor advised me to eat but I do not have the appetite." While pointing to the other two womens, she joyfully said, "the three of us will be 90 years old this year and she is a week younger than me, while pointing her finger to the other woman apposite of her.
It is a privileged to have sat down with these three women and they have affirmed me of their joy of aging gracefully.

Rhythmic Tranquility

Democrat and Chronicle Newspaper Article - May30, 2006
Rhythmic TranquilityWeekly Journal- First Person section on Fr. Peter Abas
which includes Flash Presentation with narration by Fr. Peter Abas
called Rhythmic Tranquility.

Are you lonely?

Can these young people uphold the value of "Filial Piety" respecting the elderly individuals?

"As I am aging, I feel, I am similar to a house in the process of buidling up."

"As I am aging, I feel, I am similar to a house in the process of building up." An 89 years old man echoed this sentence. It is a kind of interesting to delve in-depth with him of what is he trying to describe and interpret.

"Without ice-cream, cookies, and cake is loneliness"

An 89 years old woman asked me, "Why don't you eat the cookies or take some ice-cream? Thank you, I responded. She said, "Without ice-cream, cookies, and cake is loneliness." She further explained, "Loneliness is not emptiness because I have everything I need here." What a profound statement from her.

Rhythmic Tranquility

Father Peter Abas drums out

message of hope to young, old

(May 7, 2006)

I would like to acknowledge the energetic passion and patience that the Rev. Peter Abas has demonstrated since his ordination 20 years ago in his native country of Borneo, Malaysia.
A vital contributor to the international and national communities, he has traveled extensively throughout Asia and Europe, counseling youth against violence and substance abuse. After arriving in the United States, Father Peter acquired advanced degrees at Fordham University and Manhattan College, and he received the Scandling Fellowship in the doctorate program at the Warner School of Education and Human Development at the University of Rochester.
Father Peter is often very noticeable in the community working for nonprofits such as the St. Joseph's Neighborhood Center in downtown Rochester, and counseling at Saint Anne Church, where he is an assisting priest, as well as at the UR.
In addition to counseling youth, he focuses intently on senior citizens. Bornean culture, like many Asian cultures, emphasizes filial piety otherwise known as respect for elders. Father Peter believes that his multicultural background and faith empower him to act as a liaison between the church and its Asian congregation as well as between the church and elders of Rochester. He attends such educational conventions as those for Alzheimer's disease, as well as cultural meetings.
Father Peter founded the Intergenerational Peaceful Rhythmic Hand Drumming Session that meets twice monthly at St. Anne Church. The purpose of this session is to enable senior citizens to express their emotions in a safe, supportive environment. "In my country, the drum is used to call people to prayer. Drums help people reminisce and relieve stress," Father Peter says.
This philosophy is the focus of his dissertation at the Warner School, where he hopes to complete his doctoral studies. Father Peter also has established the program "Sacred Stories: Healing Journeys" at St. Anne Church, which caters to those 65 years and older.
We are in deep appreciation for the zealous efforts of Father Peter Abas, and I am fortunate to recognize him on behalf of the Rochester community.

Wendy Weeks, of Brighton, is on the Sounding Board, advisers to the Democrat and Chronicle Editorial Board

"Am I lonely?"

"How do you know someone is lonely?" This is a question asked by an 88 year old woman today. I was very surprised she came out with this question. I responded, "I do not know whether a person is lonely or not, unless he/she shares his/her feelings with me."
She continued by saying "Am I lonely?" I do not know but I do feel lonesome once awhile. The word "lonesome" is a word that can be delved in-depth. How does a person interprets the feeling of "lonesome?"